Blue

What happened to forever?
I still have a jar, heart shaped, labeled “road trip”,
But forever crashed before we even got into the car.

The smell of burnt rubber still haunts me.
The odor scrapes the inside of my nose at the mention of your name,
Snorting steel shards leaving blood dripping down my face.
The roll on perfume you used, cherry patterned, cylinder callused, now just collateral damage.

No amount of mint toothpaste can take that taste of blue raspberry kisses from my mouth, your favorite flavor.
I taste in blue now.
If it ain’t blue it wasn’t for you but now it’s all I’ve got, I never even liked the color.

So now what do I do?
When I walk down the halls and see you and the new flash of red that now immediately follows,
A shade of red I never thought would get so close to the girl who loved the taste of blue.
Am I supposed to say hi and smile?
Or just walk on past?
I don’t know anymore because either way it’s still wrong, like I am doing the worst thing imaginable.

I held down on your name on my phone,
“I need help in math” was the last thing you said to me on a screen that would only last a couple seconds, probably 7 but who’s counting?
Even after the image vanished, I held on, on tight, hoping maybe there was more.
But even after I realized there wasn’t, I smiled.

Everyone who cared enough said I was being used
But little did they know I was glad to be the one she reached out to for help,
Because then, at least, I could feel like a solid being, not just some myth that exists in her past,
A tall tale only told by those who cared… no not those people who sat there and kept telling me I was being used,
I am the only one who still tells it.

The story seemed to have no beginning but an ending that hit harder than my fist hit the bathroom wall.
The first time I threw a punch was after reading that text the day you told me you loved red.
So what happened to forever?

I guess you could say it got lost in the space between the period after my name and the first letter of hers.